11 KEYS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
SIMILAR/SAME VALUES AND BELIEFS- Spiritual practices, family, finances, domestic responsibilities
RESPECT, HONESTY AND TRUST- Mutual Respect, Honesty, and Trust between partners
ACCEPTANCE- Acceptance of your partner (embracing similarities and respecting differences)
COMMUNICATION- Open, Honest Communication- ability to express feelings and emotions (nothing is off limits)
CONFLICT RESOLUTION- Equal knowledge in conflict resolution skills (avoids keeping score)
WILLINGNESS TO SERVE- Willingness to meet other’s needs (companionship, affection, emotional support, sexual)
FRIENDSHIP- Ability to enjoy partner, laugh, and have fun
COMPATIBLE INTIMACY- Physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activities
HUMILITY- Take responsibility for actions and behavior- shows humility to makes amends
AUTHENTICITY- Able to express vulnerability without feeling shamed or criticized
HEALED PAST- Prior hurts and wounds healed- avoids bringing baggage into new relationship
(See example questions below)
11 KEYS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- EXAMPLE QUESTIONS
1. SIMILAR/SAME VALUES AND BELIEFS-
A. Spiritual practices- Do we both believe in God- are our views the same?
B. Family- How many children do we want, do we have the same parenting views?
C. Finances- Do we have similar beliefs in spending, saving, tithing, etc.?
D. Domestic- Do we share same views in household responsibilities? Can we come to a mutual agreement about shared domestic responsibilities?
2. RESPECT, HONESTY AND TRUTH-
A. Respect- Do I include my partner in equal decision making, give them my undivided attention in listening to their opinion- choosing my words carefully, honoring boundaries and willing to compromise?
B. Honesty & Trust- Do I act with integrity- My behavior matches my words? Are we sincere and are we both open to feedback?
Can I accept my partner is different than I? Can I accept my partner will fail me and make mistakes and still love them? Can I accept my partner for who they are and not try and change them?
Can I communicate my wants and needs directly and honestly, share my feelings and emotions without the fear of anyone leaving, judging or criticizing me? Is my partner a safe person and do I feel I can share anything with them and still feel loved and accepted?
5. CONFLICT RESOLUTION-
Am I able to empathize with my partner’s view, agree to disagree, avoid blaming or attacking? Do we both agree to conflict rules: No verbal or emotional abuse- belittling, name-calling etc. Do we both agree to set a time limit on discussion of conflict and accept sometimes an issue must be put on hold and re-visited at a later time? Can we recognize toxic subjects and agree to reach out to a third party (marriage coach/therapist) if needed?
6. WILLINGNESS TO SERVE-
Do I recognize and accept my spouse comes first (after God) and even before children? Am I willing to provide my partner with quality time of companionship, emotional support, sexual intimacy and affection? Do I respect my partner’s preferences and desires are often quite different than mine?
Do my partner and I have fun together, enjoy each other’s company, laugh and able to be playful? Do I consider my partner my best friend?
8. COMPATIBLE INTIMACY-
Do we share many of the same interests, enjoy similar intellectual conversations and enjoy participating in activities together?
Am I able to admit when I am wrong? Am I open-minded to learn new things from my partner? Can I make a true and genuine amends when I hurt my partner?
Am I able to be authentic with my partner? Do I feel safe in sharing my true self, personality and character? Can I easily show my vulnerability without fearing words or behavior will be used against me?
11. HEALED PAST-
Have I truly worked through my past childhood wounds? Have I completely healed my broken heart and/or bitterness, resentment and anger from a past relationship or marriage?
RESOURCES FOR RELATIONSHIPS-
Locate a therapist in your area that specialize in marital/couples counseling
Seek advice/counseling from your church pastor/leader
Seek a Marriage Coach particularly if a couple has been married more than once
Marriage on the Rock- By Pastor Jimmy Evans (great source for even single people)
The Right One- How to Successfully Date and Marry the Right Person- By Pastor Jimmy Evans
Our Secret Paradise- Pastor Jimmy Evans
Lifelong Love Affair- How to Have a Passionate and Deeply Rewarding Marriage- Pastor Jimmy Evans
Boundaries Workbook- When to Say Yes and How to Say No- Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman
The Holy Bible- Genesis - Revelations
DISCLAIMER- This article is not meant to give direct advice- only to provide helpful resources.
Jill Adams MSN, ANP, PMHNP
Psychiatric, Health & Wellness, LLC
810 Michael Drive, Suite L
Chesterton, IN 46304